|Two days old.|
So here’s the deal. When Jaye was born, I accidentally became a stay at home mom. I’ve never wanted to stay at home full-time. When I was pregnant, I used to worry that I’d change my mind and want to become a stay at home mom. Phil would reassure me that if I changed my mind, I’d want to stay at home, so I’d be happy doing it. But it wasn’t much reassurance.
|One month old.|
I feel like staying at home full time just doesn’t fit with my personality. The summer before we got married and my last summer before law school, I was unemployed. And it drove me kind of crazy. I missed human interaction. And I never felt like I did enough. I never felt accomplished at the end of the day because there were no outside goals to achieve.
|Three months old.|
Jaye was born the August before my last year of law school. Normally, law students would be working by this point, but I didn’t look for a job because of Jaye. That fall semester I took one class, but still considered it my maternity “leave” of sorts. During the day, my main priority and the main thing I was doing with my time was staying home and just focusing on taking care of Jaye. I went to class and studied in the evening once Phil was home. The second semester, I still didn’t look for a job because I started back at school full-time. Taking care of Jaye and going to school full-time was enough.
|Six months old.|
Now, I’m done with school, and we’ve moved to Texas. I’ll take the Texas Bar Exam at the end of February 2013. In January, I’ll start taking a bar prep class and studying non-stop. I’ll know whether I passed by the beginning of May 2013. Which means that it’s not likely that I will be employed until May or June 2013. Which means that until then, I’ll still be a stay at home mom. Up until this point, I feel like I’ve just been accidentally a stay at home mom. I hadn’t really planned it, it just worked out that way. I was in school and staying at home with Jaye, not purposefully or intentionally staying at home.
|Seven months old.|
I’ve never imagined myself as a stay at home mom. I imagine myself working part-time outside the home, maybe three days a week, and spending the other days at home with Jaye. Then when Jaye (and any potential siblings) are all in school, I could work more. Having about another year of staying at home is kind of a scary thought. It’s hard. I feel stir-crazy. I have a hard time feeling like I’ve accomplished anything when all I’ve done is take care of Jaye. I know mothering is the biggest accomplishment ever and all that jazz. But that doesn’t mean you always end the day feeling like you’ve done something.
|Seven months old.|
The move has added stress and frustration to the situation. I feel like I have so much to do to unpack, and organize the house, not to mention organizing our life (things like finding a new pediatrician-anybody know a good one near Richardson, TX?) Lately, it’s especially impossible to do anything around the house. Jaye is at a crazy stage. She’s constantly heading for the outlets. “No” means nothing to her. She tried to climb onto the tv stand yesterday. She’s a fearless, fearless, baby.
|Eight months old.|
So where is all this going? If I’m going to stay at home with Jaye for another year, I need to become an intentional stay at home mom. I’m not totally sure how to do that. Or how to survive the next few weeks, let alone the next year or so. But here are a few ideas I’m going to try.
1. Get dressed in real clothes every morning.
2. Run three days a week in the morning before Jaye wakes up.
3. Go to yoga twice a week in the evening.
4. Find some events/activities to do. Maybe a library storytime or something.
5. Try to find a schedule/rhythm.
6. Find some other stay at home mom friends. (Helloooo? Anyone else out there in Richardson? Want to play with me?)
Obviously, I adore my sweet Jaye. I do love spending time with her, and I’m incredibly grateful I didn’t have to head straight back to work. Overall, I recommend having a baby in law school. I’ve appreciated the time I’ve had with Jaye and the flexibility of being in school. I appreciate that staying at home is an awesome thing, but for me, I’m looking for a little more balance. Some working at work. Some working at home (because staying at home is certainly not just “staying”).
|Nine months old.|